Multiplicity, I wish there was more of me

In 1996 a comedy film was released staring Michael Keaton and Andie MacDowell entitled Multiplicity. The premise of the film is a man named Doug Kinney finds himself overwhelmed with the pressures of life. He is trying to be a good father, good husband, a provider as well as a producer. He is trying to handle his career, his business and his marriage and in between, somewhere fit some time for himself to do the things he likes or wishes to do, like go sailing, etc.

Doug meets a scientist who has developed a successful method of cloning. Doug believes that the only one to escape his stressed out existence is to make more of himself so he allows the scientist to clone him. They make TWO, the name of his clone and TWO has the knowledge, the memories, and the experience of one but has no tact, no kindness, and no compassion so they copy the copy and create THREE.

Three has compassion, caring, sensitivity and sharing but ultimate TWO and THREE aren't enough to cover all the areas that Doug needs so they copy the copy's copy and produce FOUR. FOUR is a fun loving, easily distracted, mischievous rascal who while adorable has a very noticeable lower IQ quotient.

This movie reminds me of the snapshot of my life right now. I know it will get better, I know it will slow down but TODAY, I am living the premise of this movie, I wish there was more of me to go around. Although its taboo to say this within the Christian context of overcomers and conquerors, sometimes life can beat the hell out of you. Trying to be a good parent, paying bills that get higher each cycle, food that never lasts, clothes that always seem to be too small and shoes that change sizes monthly, I need some more of me.

Trying to be a good Pastor, visit all the sick, go to the surgery's, out patient as well as over night stays, preach, teach, put out fires, heal wounds, soothe egos, correct unbiblical agendas and point people to the grace of God only to have people get upset because when they called you didn't answer the phone because after all you don't have anything to do but sit around the office and wait for my phone call, I need some more of me.

Thursday of my struggle to hear God give me a relevant Word, no cotton candy Word but a Word that can stick with the members so when the storm hits, they can stand. Struggling for the right idea, the right phrase, the right illustration, standing between death and life and trying to hear God create something out of nothing in me and during this time I still must be the associational Pastor that does the state, district and national work, still must be the community pastor that supports the causes of betterment in our community such as crying out against violence, partnering with others to get guns off the streets, let's help the boys, the girls, the whales, dogs, chipmunks, rabbits and weasels, I need more of me.

I could call my birth pastor but I don't want to hear him today, love him but don't want to hear "GET OVER IT" today. He's right and I love him but can't deal with it, not today. Don't want to call my seasoned pastor Rev. Jackson because there is nothing worse than a cussing out from an old man especially when you have been doing what they told you not to do. Don't want to call "my deacon" from Peoria although he loves me and would listen, he would say son and before he finishes I would feel as big as Stuart Little although his intent would be to bless me.

I wish there was more more of me. I wish the movie was true but its not. However for Hollywood's fairytale, God has a reality and today i read it and cried. Please don't mistake my honesty as a gripe against my church, my calling or my community, I just in the middle of my contractions. God is birthing me and it is painful. If you aren't hurting, maybe its because you have already been pushed out the womb but I am still in contraction stage.

God gave me something for my pain and I leave the blog with this:

Psalm 27:5-6 (21st Century King James Version)
5For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret places of His tabernacle shall He hide me; He shall set me upon a rock.
6And then shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me; therefore I will offer in His tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.

Although it's a paraphrase, TODAY the Message Bible blessed me:

5 That's the only quiet, secure place in a noisy world, The perfect getaway, far from the buzz of traffic. 6 God holds me head and shoulders above all who try to pull me down. I'm headed for his place to offer anthems that will raise the roof! Already I'm singing God-songs; I'm making music to God.